please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
