Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
