i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize