If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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