Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
