Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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