Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
