Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
A+ Viking dick
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
