so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize