im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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