Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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