He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
