My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
