i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
