FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
