Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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