your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
