did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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