Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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