I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
