dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize