dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
