Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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