He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
