Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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