My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
