I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
