Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
