My balls are so social today.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
