Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she smelled like a LAN party
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
