If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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