It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
