I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you inspire me to be a worse person
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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