is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
