but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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