i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
