is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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