Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
