I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
