she is the kim kardashian of front butts
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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