I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
