I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
