Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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