exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
