Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
