i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
