Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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