I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
