Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
