Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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