I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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