Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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