dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
