either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
