she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize