i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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