So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
