I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize