Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
