she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
