i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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