If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize