Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
