Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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