just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
