i wish my penis had a tongue
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
