I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
