HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
