You made me cry and you don't even care
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
