If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dignity is for republicans.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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