Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
