break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
