He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
